{Un-Inspired}

This morning I got up and walked the kids to school and I kept walking... I went for a three mile walk just my three year old and me. I came home and mowed the front yard and my back yard. I have a very HILLY yard, so it was a lot of hard work. This last week while I have been out of school on a (very small) break I have had a moment to stop and think. This morning I really got thinking about life (while walking and mowing the yard.) And started to feel a bit depressed. {sadly} My husband said that I should write out my feelings, because that is generally my own best outlet for hard times. So I hope you will indulge me this outlet of feelings. Read on if you want or scroll away. I just feel it is time to accept the way life is. And I know others can relate, so I decided to post this here at Girly Do's rather than bottle it up on my personal blog.

One thing I have never been good at with this blog is being real and showing who the real Jenn is. I don't open up. I keep things very secure around here. For one because this is a public form that anyone can read and I don't know all my readers. I get a lot of people contacting me to send me free product to test and blog about, but I feel so nervous in working with people outside my own little safe circle I have created. I know it would help there business as well as the growth of my blog, but I have always chose to side with caution and stay away from such partnerships. I've never really got down and dirty with details of my personal life because I don't know that anyone cares, but also it has never felt relevant.

Last Fall my husband was sent out of town to work. He was going to be gone five days a week leaving me as a single mom of three, two of which are in school, trying to go to school myself. We toughed through it. With the help of some very dear friends I switched to the day program for a semester and struggled through life. It was a challenge, but we felt if he went out of town we would be showing the company he worked for his willingness to work. It was worth it so that we could secure his continuing with work. Lots of people have been laid off (in his line of work) with the economy being what it is, so we did what we needed to do to keep him working.

Well the job came to an end and it didn't secure him a job like we had hoped. And like with any company when work just isn't available they had to lay off people one of which was my husband. After months of struggling with him out of town he was now going to be at home every day, out of work. Because it is a Union job he is on the books waiting for work to pick up and get picked up again to work again. In the mean time... we wait.

With waiting for work comes other struggles and stresses. Making unemployment wages is far from glamorous. And far from making life easy to come by. We have three kids, one that has several health issues. He has sleep apnea (one of the big issues) and has to sleep with a CPAP machine at nights. The thought of loosing insurance and giving the machine back is just unbearable! We've of course applied for the kids to be on State insurance until Andy is working again. He'll be able to stay on his machine. Can I just say that I can't imagine life with him off his machine. He is a total different child and his life has improved 100 fold!
http://www.everydaypeoplecartoons.com/cartoons/327---September-30-October-6,-2007,-sense-of-self-haircut.gif
This brings me to why/how this is hair related. I have been going to school now for a year (just over 1000 of my 2000 hours) to become a cosmetologist. I LOVE SCHOOL. I love that I have finally made HAIR my career path. I've been doing this blog for over three years now and I AM HAIR. I am passionate about hair, so I know I've made the right choice. But I am standing in a place where I am really hurting. My family is really hurting.

I'd love to be the one to go get a second job to help my family right now. It would mean the world to me to be able to do that, but I am a student. Any job I apply for right now they see that I have a year left of school, that I plan to continue and they don't consider me for any position. It is very frustrating. Any job I want to get has to have insurance, because no doubt we will loose insurance benefits if we have more income and we can't risk that with Jo's health issues. I need a job that has hours to not interfere with my schooling. And I almost need a job that knows I will leave once my schooling is done. Its a really being stuck between a rock and a hard place. And it really sucks!

I know people have it harder than me out there, but I just feel so depressed and so uninspired right now. I know there are people who can relate to my story. And I know that if we all just hold tight together we can all make it through these hard times. So for those for those of my readers out of work, or with sick kids and other struggles going on... I really want you to know that I understand. I'm there too. Please drop a line and leave me a comment today. You guys are always the best at making a down day a million times better, more happy and just over-all fun! Thanks for indulging this little vent session.

31 comments:

  1. You are such a strong, beautiful women. I admire you so much and am so proud of your accomplishments!! Hang in there... Hugs from up north!~

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  2. Hi Jenn - I've been following your blog for several months and love hair styles. I've seen your love for your schooling & your kids and could tell things were hectic! While I don't have great advice, know that you have a lot of quiet fans out here supporting you and hoping for the best!
    -Cathy

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  3. my comment didnt post ughh ill come back in a bit and post it all over again it will cheer you up i hope it does anyway right now i have to go put the baby down for a nap..

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  4. I know how you feel. My hubby has been laid off for 1 1/2 yrs now. My son is special needs (has HLHS; no left side of his heart) and has had 4 open heart surgeries. I have 3 girls too. Its tough, but you just have to take it one day at a time and believe it will get better. Hang in there!

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  5. You are an amazingly talented, wonderful mother, and while I have not met you and aam realativly new to your blog, I still get a sense of how dedicated youa re to your family when I read your stories. Hang in there you are relevent you matter, you make a difference in the lives of many people. I will pray your husband gets work soon and that your family will know peace and stability again <3 thanks for sharing your gift with us

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  6. Jenn-
    I've followed your blog for a long time now and I don't usually comment. Your post today resonates with me though. My husband is a pastor and was "let go" do to church giving being super low, 2 years ago. Because he's a pastor (working for a non-profit church of course) we couldn't get unemployment checks. I was a stay at home mom homeschooling two kids. One day we had everything the next day we had nothing. Not one ounce of income. Zilch, Nada, Nothing. We lost our home, we moved in with my in-laws and I started cleaning houses to feed our children. It was hard and it was humbling. It was one of the hardest things I've been through. My husband started taking odd jobs...anything anyone would give him, dig out a tree stump, build a fence, rip out carpet, you name it. We were without real-work for 18 months!!!!!!! That's a long time and yet God totally amazed me one day at a time of how He provided for us. I still don't know how we made it other than just one little quiet miracle after another one day at a time. Somehow we always had food. In the 11th hour, when we had two more weeks and we had to move out of my in-laws with no where to go (other than a friend that had offered for us to live in their barn-I won't even go into those details!) and we were ready to declare bankruptcy, a job came through. We had to move to another state and leave family behind which has been really tough.

    I don't know if my story is inspiring at all but we've been in our new job in a rental home for about 8 months now and while what we went through was awful and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone I can say that it's made us stronger and given us a better perspective on life. We made sure that it made our marriage stronger instead of weaker, it strengthened our faith in God knowing that He loves us instead of punishes us, and we realized that the American Dream isn't what it's all about. Now I hold things with an open hand instead of a clenched fist.

    I pray that God will use this time in your life to continue strengthening you. That your family will be provided for in ways that you never dreamed of as solutions. I'll pray that work does come soon and that all your needs (including medical) are met.

    Friendship,
    Jen

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  7. Your story is pretty familiar to me, my family went through something very similar. It was very stressful, so I understand how you are feeling. We had to go without insurance, and, because I had been a SAHM for so long (despite having a master's degree), I couldn't get a job. It was really hard, but somehow we got through it. Lean on the people that love you!! Let your children's laughter be your medicine. I will be thinking good thoughts for you and your family. --Shawn

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  8. I'm glad you've opened up to everyone about this. My heart aches for all you've been going through & I pray for you every day. I can't remember if I shared this with you or not - but Elder Holland is one of my favorites. And he once said, "If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets - take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived." Jenn - you ARE one of THEEE best people that ever lived. The Lord is truly testing you & putting you through the refiners fire. You CAN do this. I know you can. You never cease to amaze me. I know I say that all the time - but you it's true.

    I love your guts & you should know that by now - but I'll say it again -- I Love your guts! Hang in there babe. You can get through this.

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  9. I don't have any amazing advice, but please know that you are loved. I don't often comment, but am inspired by each of your posts to be a better mom by doing my daughters hair.

    Thank you for sharing your talents and time with blogland. You are loved. Hugs to you and your family.

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  10. I'm another one that doesn't comment, but I follow your blog religiously. I really appreciate all of the hard work you do for all of us out here that are truckin' through life, just trying to be better moms & wives.

    Doing my daughter's hair lets her know that I love her & brings us closer. And I couldn't do it without you. So even though I don't have any profound advice, just know that what you do DOES make a difference & that people you don't even know love you & are rooting for you.

    Thank you!!!!!!!

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  11. I am starting barber college next month, and for the first time in a decade, I will have zero jobs, as opposed to normally having 2....it will be a great struggle for our family, but this is my passion, so we plan on just "making it work". That being said, you seem to have an enormous challenge in front of you, and I will be thinking of you, and hoping you find the strength to get through it. And never forget that it's VERY much ok for you to have a bad day, a bad week, or even a bad month. You are a mom, a wife, and a student...that's a lot of responsibility. If we don't let ourselves cry and stress, and lose our minds temporarily, we can't heal and move on. Hang in there! Thank you for sharing with us - it makes us all feel more human :) Hugs!!!

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  12. Jenn
    I to can relate to your story. My husband still has a job it is just making 82% of what we use to make which really hurts. Then to make things worse for us we own to houses; one we rent out one we live in. Well our renter had lived a hard life and my hubby felt real bad for her so he charged her just enough to make the payment each month. Well in February she passed away. We did not find this out for a while but when we got a hold of someone her kids said they were going to pay rent for March an April so they could clean out all her stuff. They paid March and only a tiny portion of April. We were finally able to get into the house the day before Easter, and what we found was a night mare. They lady was insane! She had two dogs and 20 cats (that we could count living in the house they took the dogs but lefty all the cats. The cats were wild beyond believe. Animal control would not touch the cats unless we paid $40 a cat. The Humane society would not take them either.
    Well my nephew was able to help find a couple charities that would help and find home for the cats but we had to keep them in the garage. We then had adisaster cleanup company come the charged us $3000 to remove carpet and start the cleanup process. They then discovered that there are many more cats living inside the heating ducts. The walls 4ft down are all destroyed from the cats and need to be ripped out all the sub floors too. The heating system needs to be all ripped out. And basically the house gutted and started over. We can’t afford this at all. So as of June 1 we will have to do a deed in lou of payment to the bank. The house will be in forcloser. My heart is broken, are credit which we always worked at keeping good will be destroyed. The worse thing is My hubby works for the government, and this will affect his security clearance. We just have to hope and pray he will not lose his job over this.
    I feel like I am drowning, and the worst part is I feel like I am watching my family drown too and can’t do anything to help them. I just keep thinking of D&C122:7-8. I hope things work out for you. If you are on medicade I know chip lets you make more money and still get help. Also if you go to school in the nights have you thought of babysitting days, with summer coming up you might be able to get some money that way. Please let us know what happens and know you are in our thoughts and prayers.
    Holly

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  13. I am a lerker as well and don't comment often. I just wanted to let you know that what you are going through is hard, but you will get through it. I grew up in a family of seven with a single mom. She was out of work for over a year. That was a very hard year, we had to rely on the church welfare system to help us through that year. If I can share a bit of advice it is this: Don't be too proud to accept help, in anyway it comes. I have learned that from that experience, and different experiences in my own life. Good luck, our thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time in your life.


    Sorry it posts hubby's name.

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  14. Keep taking it one day at a time. You can do it, and you HAVE been doing it.

    There are many days I feel that way. There are days that my house is a complete mess because I can't stand the thought of getting up and doing the work. There are days that my husband has to remind me to do the laundry because he has no more clean underwear. But taking each day as it comes helps.

    "So, never be anxious about the next day, for the next day will have its own anxieties."
    —Matthew 6:34
    Sheilapigeon@gmail.com

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  15. Jenn, you've inspired many many people (including me) over the last few years, so it's fine to be "uninspired" for the time being. Know that you are not alone. I think the more we talk and share with each other, we realize how similar we all are with our struggles and trials...we just all try to hide them and "keep up" with everyone else. Hope you can find some peace during these tough times- Don't think of school as anything but an investment in your future. You might need to be a little frugal the next year while you finish, but when you're working, you'll be happy you finished. Hope you have a great weekend with your family!

    -Rachel@Redpunzel

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  16. Jenn, I've been reading your blog since back in the days when the hair part was a part of your personal life stuff. I don't comment much (sorry!), but know that I have learned from you, that you've inspired me, and that I know you will continue down an amazing path. Staying in school is the right thing - it will pay off in the long run, and you'll be incredible at your job with a long list of clients. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. God bless!

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  17. Praying for you!! *hugs*

    "28And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28

    "11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11

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  18. Thanks for sharing with us. I think we all have less than inspiring times. ;) I do love your blog, you have beautiful hair dos, many of which we have tried and LOVE. :) Hopefully the burdens you are currently carrying will ease up soon. :)

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  19. Hang in there! You have been such an inspiration to try new cute styles on my little girl. I will be praying for you and your family. Even though I've never met you, I look at you as one of my online "friends" and always am happy to see your posts. I don't know how you've made it thru such tough times without complaining before now! :) I hope you find the light at the other end of the tunnel soon.

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  20. Thank you for sharing your feelings. I know it's difficult to have a public blog and open yourself up to possible criticism with every post. I love your blog! I'm so glad you share your hair knowledge. Hang in there, you are working hard towards a solution by going to school. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

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  21. I would love to give you a hug. I am retired now but was an uninspired cosmetologist at one time. I think you are probably one of those "chosen" to be a wonderful cosmetologist who will be loved by your clients both for your warmth and your talents with hair. Hang in there, dear. We need great cosmetologists! I will be thinking of you.
    I went to cosmetology school to please my brother, whose fiance was going a fantastic hairdresser. Needless to say, I did not follow in her footsteps. I did, however, after a long hard struggle, finish college and become a kindergarten teacher. That is where I was meant to be.
    I just found your blog, and am so glad I did. I remember those days when money was so tight, and jobs were scarce. Hang in there. Things will be better and you will be a credit to your profession. I know you are already a credit to your family and a wonderful wife and mother. The love you have for your family comes through in your writing.
    Mimi - bailey_smith_1999@yahoo.com

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  22. I am impressed you are willing to share so much of yourself. That is what makes your blog so inspiring. I have 3 girls and I love to create the hairdo's I find in your blog. I have been asked many times why I spend so much time on hair, and I came to realize that it makes me feel good to create something so beautiful. I am soo sorry to hear of your trials right now, but I just wanted to let you know that you create beautiful things and that in turn makes you feel beautiful in more ways than on the outside. I just wanted you to know how much you are appreciated. We will keep you in our prayers.

    howehooligans@bresnan.net

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  23. Hello there Jenn!

    I have been reading your blog from around the time you started and I LOVE it, but that is not why I am writing...

    I just wanted to share with you that Starbucks provides benefits to part time empolyees. I don't know if this is feasible for you or your family. I have googled part time benefits before and there are several companies that offer this...just a thought...

    I hope everything works out for your family. You for sure inspire me with this blog and I think it is just fine that you are uninspired right now...thank you for sharing.

    Brittney
    barbiebowling1@yahoo.com

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  24. Hi Jenn,

    I have loved your blog for a few years now. On March 13th 2009, my husband was laid off, we had to sell out house and was blessed that some missionaries from our church had some renters that fell through. We felt that God gift wrapped this house for us. Then March 23rd 2010, our youngest daughter then almost 5, was diagnosed with Acute lymphoblastic leukemia ( (ALL). We now have found out we have to move, and I have decided to go back to school for Radiology Tech. I often think I must be crazy, and my 7 year old would also agree, but I think that God has some amazing beliefs that I am worth all of the love and friends he has blessed me with. I still use your beautiful hair do's on my oldest 7 and my almost 6 year old is waiting for her hair to be long enough to get crazy with.

    We find that God has more faith in us than we do in him


    I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.
    Philippians 4:13

    Amanda
    webbfamily99@gmail.com

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  25. The Lord will help you ... trust him.

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  26. All things work together for good to them that love God. Romans 8:28

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  27. If you lose your insurance, see if you can get a grant from the Children's Foundation to pay for the machine. uhccf.org

    Make sure you pay your tithing, and have faith in the Lord to provide for all your needs.
    D&C 122:7-9 ...know thou, my [daughter], that all these things shall give thee experience, and shall be for thy good.

    8The Son of Man hath descended below them all. Art thou greater than he?

    9Therefore, hold on thy way... Thy days are known, and thy years shall not be numbered less; therefore, fear not what man can do, for God shall be with you forever and ever.

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  28. Sometimes we just need to 'exhale' to be able to inhale.
    I hope this was a good exhale for you.

    It is true, life sometimes feels like it is falling apart but at the end it will come together.

    You are never asked more than you can actually do. So remind yourself you are capable of doing this.
    XOXO

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  29. I'm going through a tough time too. I'm 15 years old and love to play sports. 2 years ago i hurt my foot, and it's stilll hurt. I recently learned that I have an extra bone in my foot. In the beginning I had a hard time believing that my foot was ever going to get better. It's still not better, but I've learned to cope. Keep your head up and pray lots! devaneyrasmussen@hotmail.com

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  30. When I was going to to beauty school, I was working part time and going to school part time. I was also pregnant at the time and I gave birth to my little girl at 29 weeks and she was 2 lbs 3 ozs while I was in school. Going to school and going to the hospital to see her was very stressful. To top it all off, my husband lost his job right before we were able to bring her home from the hospital. That was almost 9 years ago and my life didn't go according to plan, but where I am right now is so much better than it was then. Just keep your head up and know that there is a God that loves you and is looking out for you and he only gives us trials that he knows you can handle. I hope all is well soon.

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  31. Oh, Jenn. I'm so sorry that things are so stressful for you. I hope, months later, that things are looking up for you. E-mail me sometime, and let me know how Jo is and how you are and what I can do to help. I also have a great "hope" story that I can tell you--one that I have to keep telling myself, too. I'm so grateful for you, and have been all our lives. Hang in there, even though sometimes it feels like you're hanging by your fingernails. I love ya!
    camille@tomerfamily.org

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